I always found worship strange. It felt odd, praying to or praising something I was told was real, without even knowing for sure. I felt it was as if people are praying to their own assumptions. After all, in reality, by participating in worship, we are simply chancing that our behavior is leading to something we want without a guarantee.
As we study what we know so far about the human mind, one's understanding that everything is subjective and uncertain should become more of a realization and yet, in terms of belief we treat what is unknown as certain, without substantial evidence to back it. Proof is derived from paired correlations at best. For example, for those immersed in faith, the reason they obtained what they wanted was due to answered prayers and not necessarily because of other factors. Yet, one does not know for sure why they got what they wanted. Of course, believing in the unknown without evidence is the very definition of faith or at least something close to it. Yet, I wonder if people took an honest assessment without the influence of fear of how often prayer personally has or hasn't worked, would they keep doing it. If so, then you be a data-seeking scientist and not a true believer of course. For one who walks in faith doesn't doubt no matter the number of unanswered prayers or other horrors in their life.
It isn't as if I haven't tried the path of praising and praying to something hypothetical. After all, I was raised in that kind of environment. Black and white; right and wrong; good and bad. After leaving home, through education and exposure to diverse experiences within the world I can honestly say that being taught to believe a specific way is what slowed my development. I was naïve about the richness of culture and the hearts of those that differed from what I was taught and it only served to delay my development in perception. Yet, I am grateful for the view outside the box because without the desperate actions of my rebellious nature, I would still be in the same suffocating cage. At the same time, I recognize that it does not feel like a cage for everyone.
People do not understand why I do not participate in a specific path of worship and possess an aversion to anything dogmatic. I am okay with their judgments despite that they remain not okay with me. I am long past the years where I spend hours of explaining myself to those addicted to their own perceptions and/or misunderstandings. If they choose to worship and bow before something unknown, that is their choice. However, I cannot. I don't even feel the desire or need. To bow to something that is hypothetical plus defined as greater than I could ever be is just reinforcing my own sense of unworthiness and powerlessness. How does that make anyone with an ounce of self-respect feel good? Because one will be granted probable favor in doing so? And then if you participate in the praise of something greater and aren't granted some form of grace does that make you still unworthy or has the hidden blessing just not revealed itself yet, as so many believers claim? Maybe, you just didn't meet the quota of good deeds for the year no matter how hard you worked. No one really knows for certain.
Regardless, anytime a person is caught up in a belief system that requires them to perform a certain action in order to be granted acknowledgment or favor, it is working for something in return, just like a job. One worships for gain...or probable gain. If it didn't work, well, why bother? Don't get me wrong, feeling grateful for whatever you have is honorable in my view, even if there is a chance you are saying thanks to something that may or may not be real. However, many praise something they perceive as more powerful simply because they believe if they do not, they will not get what they want, or worse, be cast to the depths of an inferno. This is just another way the acts of belief can bind someone rather than free them. If you cannot be yourself, worship or not, and still feel blessed or worthy, then you fail to believe in unconditional love. This means you are still bound to a process of behavior in order to feel worthy. Many know what it is like to have to pretend to be something else in order to be loved…liked even. The realms of faith should be the last place that you have to be something other than yourself or do something you wouldn't do normally in order to be blessed.
Recognizing the path that best suits, rather than engaging in absolutist thinking is a part of self-realization. I like the idea of rituals of gratitude and honoring loved ones for their involvement in shaping our life. But to worship something specific when I do not know is not a behavior I can do. Not only does it feel surreal to bow before something unknown, after studying and seeing how easy humans are to manipulate, but I also cannot trust that the knowledge of what is handed down through subjective minds and taken out of context is not just another fake means of controlling behavior. Not to mention, I don't really think that if I had the power of a God, being praised by humans would really be what I cared about. Talk about narcissistic. You'd think you would be a little more interested in creating more worlds or something on a bigger level. Regardless, I will reserve my reverence to those who act in integrity and for the generalized grace that floats my way on occasion no matter where it comes from. For those who do wish to worship, I hope it is because they feel free in doing it, as an expression of who they are without condition, and not because they feel that without it, they would be unloved and cast aside.
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