As many can tell by my multiple articles and videos, I am a big advocate for striving for self-actualization and putting deliberate effort into surfacing the expression of the representation of the core or true self. There are many reasons for this. Not only does it lead to more satisfaction in a lower vibrational world that attempts to suppress authenticity, it serves as a tool that helps us break free from damaged mentality.
I am not one of those motivational speakers that will tell you that by thinking positive everything will be alright. Although, there is merit in being more positive because altering perception to lighter energy certainly minimizes stress and resulting health issues, but the claim that it will make all your dreams come true is unlikely. It takes a little more effort than that. Even if you become more positive you still, at some point, must address and transmute problems that are rooted in conditioning that trigger darker emotions and addictions. What I mean by this is that if you are always telling yourself that everything will be alright and keep a smile plastered to your face to mask confusion and/or heartache, positivity is not working for you in the way that it could. If you aren't trying to discover and alter unhealthy patterns, such as the reasons why you are attracted to toxic partners and how to break free of the pain of doing then your "smile" will eventually turn to a grimace when you tire of keeping up the façade.
My point is that no matter how positive you pretend to be, a damaged mindset must be transmuted in order to break free from toxic behaviors. Damaged mentality stems from the addiction to anything that serves as a means to destroy or limit development, which essentially equates to an addiction to mismanaging the ego (drama, violence, disrespect, manipulation, passive-aggressiveness, blame, demeaning others, victimhood…). Because unhealthy behavior is so normalized, it is challenging to even know when we are engaging in it. For example, if the in-group includes you in creating drama at work, you may participate in behaviors you wouldn't normally because you are unaware of having a fear of being excluded or in need of excitement, or you simply want to please those in charge...
If you do not do the work to unravel destructive behaviors, your ego will twist everything to serve its own dominance. One of my ex-clients expressed that she was frustrated with me because I made her wait and that her spirit guides told her that she shouldn't have to wait on anyone. The circumstance was an isolated event and non-deliberate, of course. I would have been weirded out by her defensiveness if I didn't recognize that she was twisting the event to feed her victimhood. I had another ex-client tell me that she was angry with me for telling her to text me when she made it home safe after she had been drinking one evening on St. Patrick's. She took offense to my request, claiming that I thought she was too stupid or incompetent to drive herself home. I explained that all my friends and family do this, and it was just to make sure everyone made it home safe and not as a negative judgment. It never occurred to her to just ask the reason I said it. She eagerly used her interpretation of my gesture to feed her toxic victim mentality for several weeks before she even said anything, marinating in a judgment that wasn't even accurate.
When any type of manipulation of words or twisted perception is used to gain a specific result, mismanagement of the ego is controlling behavior. This is evident in every field…from consumerism to spirituality to personal relationships. There isn't likely anyone alive who has had their words repeated back to them without replying, "That's not what I said." We don't need our scripts "frankensteined" (taken out of context) for them to be misinterpreted. Since incoming data is filtered through existing conditioned schemas, we are subjective in our interpretations of what we hear. Paired with the influence of unconscious destructive needs then critical thinking is abandoned.
The truth is that most believe the dirt without pondering possible ways that they are being manipulated because they like the drama—they want the dirt to be true so they can feel better about themselves. This is why it is necessary to know thyself and then manage accordingly so you aren't ruled by your own preference for dirt on others. It is no secret that people are more interested in drama than they are in other types of information.
Picture a famous couple. One accidentally steps on the toe of his lover while leaving a restaurant.
"Watch it!" the lover says.
"Well you were walking slow, and I didn't see you. I'm sorry!" the other is heard saying.
HEADLINE READS: Tempers flare between Lover A and Lover B while dining at their favorite restaurant.
And people will Eat.That.Shit.Up.
There doesn't even have to be a disagreement for the media to spread a false assumption. If I bring these issues up in conversation and why we should be cautious of what the media reports, people will say "I know," then jump on the very next train of condemnation when a juicy accusation of someone famous is released. Why do we do it? In media, people know that this collective mishap sells the most, which is why they incorporate it into their pitch. Even in the healing arts, I witnessed so many instructors use their bodies seductively in advertising to get you to come to class or click on their site for more ways to gain spiritual enlightenment. Hey, whatever works I guess…
Many fall for the idea that you have to offer a little trash or sell your honor to upgrade your status. Maybe you do with a certain type of audience. I have had intelligent, beautiful friends hide their minds and show because they believe it will attract more followers on social media than if they were just themselves. They claimed being real wouldn't get them followed.
I've witnessed (purely my opinion, of course) great plots or stories become tainted by fan service across multiple genres because people are unable to see their own talent and fear that their creation won't be popular unless they show a little thigh or a lot of sex. I think I am in the minority here, but it's overused and overrated and can sometimes lessen the quality of a good story. Although wild and uncontained behaviors may fit a character's personality, misplaced representations seem to be often tossed in stories more out of the fear of not being good enough without it.
I was less surprised at learning the cons and common manipulations saturating consumerism as I was in the field of spirituality. This was only because I mistakenly assumed (or hoped) when I was younger, that those of higher-level teachings would be the ones leading in alternative spiritual fields. Years later, I realized that many used the field as just another path of consumerism that played on the vulnerabilities of others and not because they genuinely cared or wanted to help others to develop spiritually. For example, if your need to be accepted is hyperactive because you have not addressed feelings of abandonment, then you may readily believe, without hesitation, the words from the group that claims monogamy blocks the path to achieving spiritual oneness with all (yes, some teach this). Some claim that orgies were performed in the temples during days of darker collective vibrations to feel enlightenment or spiritual and that we must get back to those times. By all means, if that is your thing, go for it. However, don't allow yourself to be manipulated or fooled, if not or think you are not spiritual just because you don't want to engage in a rule or belief someone else created just to have power over others.
When you learn of the self and how to manage the ego, you are less likely to fall for the guru that claims you have to fuck him in order to have your chakras aligned (you do not, in case you were wondering). You are better apt to detect manipulation from others when you learn how to detect manipulations within the self. In other words, if you cannot detect the lies you tell yourself to fill an unrecognized need because of compartmentalization or ignorance, you are unlikely to detect the lies that accompany manipulation from others.
Rest assured, that you do not have to follow made up rules (all different, of course) that many in the spotlight claim as truth (because someone told them it was truth) in order to be blessed by the heavens or to be "set free." Others operating under a damaged mentality but attempt to mold you into something you are uncomfortable with because they claim it is "the way" will limit the truest expression of yourself (which is where you will find your peak experiences and spiritual peace). If you truly wish to surface the highest version of the self, you must know who that self is, detect the patterns of damaged, then do the work to break free of the control it has over your behavior. Other people can assist you in learning how, and there are many teachings that will help you discover what your path should be. Just make sure the guidance you apply is represented by one who is authentic and serves to lead you back to you and is not using you as a tool to soothe their own mismanaged ego.
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