Mirrored correspondence, this idea that you see aspects of yourself in another, should be used as a way of viewing the self as more of an asset rather than a way to condemn. What I mean by this is that if we recognize an attribute that we admire in another then it is likely we possess a degree or component of the same attribute, even if we are unaware of how. At the very least, we possess the potential for sharpening of decreasing that characteristic within ourselves.
Part of the reason I believe this is because characteristics that are similar are generally most noticeable in another, just as what we have been conditioned to see influences how we interpret reality. If we see a value within a person and desire to possess that same value, then it is likely there is a neurological or energetic pre-condition that lies within us to develop it to a degree. Upon further reflection, we would likely be able to identify an already developed characteristic that is similar in nature to what we enjoy in others. I am mostly speaking of psychological attributes as I have not yet found a way to make myself shorter no matter how much I envy another who possesses what I would judge to be the perfect height.
I think that using mirrored correspondence can assist us in developing admirable characteristics, but I also think it is a useful tool for releasing unwanted behaviors within the self. Just as we can admire and mimic wanted behaviors, we also can identify unwanted behaviors we witness in others and reflect on what is also similar within ourselves.
One must be brave to do this because it isn't easy admitting we may have unhealthy characteristics that are in need of change. When we evaluate the self, it is also essential to be as honest as possible. If we just lie about not possessing darker behaviors or make excuses for lower level behavior, then there is no point in attempting any self-evaluation and using it as a means for change. Of course, there is no reflection that is entirely unbiased due to conditioning, but we can certainly evaluate the self without harsh judgment.
Once unwanted behaviors are identified, you can take the steps to transmute them and alleviate their influence. Using this technique for self-development allows one to address problematic issues within the personality that may be hidden to us. For example, being angered by displays of cruelty allows us to understand underlying motivations for it when we remember times when we also have been cruel. This also assists us in taking measures to reduce it within ourselves.
One unfavorable behavior I have encountered is getting unsolicited advice from those who characterized me based on predefined gender roles or their past relationships with women. The judgment was often followed by being told who I was based on their personal experiences. Anyone who knows me, understands that generalization in any way is a huge annoyance to me. In using mirrored correspondence, I had to acknowledge where I had done the same thing to others in the past. There was a time when I judged most men to be uninterested in deeper aspects of the self because that was what I had experienced. By seeing the reflection of what I disliked within myself, I was able to understand possible motives for their mindset. Then I took action to eliminate my similar judgments as I did not wish to be a representation of what I believed to be lower level behaviors.
With practice, it becomes easier to identify correspondence triggers upon occurrence and when others are not seeing themselves reflected in behaviors they hate. I have been party to many complaining about the behaviors of another when they fail to acknowledge how they are a very product of what they despise. For example, I have a family member who carried pain from the abandonment of a father well into adulthood. He often chastised his father's behavior, claiming it is not how a father should be. This recognition motivated this person to be a father who didn't abandon his family. However, this same person has also abandoned or isolated himself from other members of the family when they didn't comply with what he wished. He would cut off communication if they didn't behave in a way that he approved. He also continued to complain when family did not reach out to him, claiming he wasn't going to waste time if they weren't showing interest in him, which, as you may have guess, is exactly what his father did to him. Though his father may never deserve his respect or forgiveness, by seeing similar actions within himself, he at least can understand the perception or feeling that motivated the behavior and free himself from doing the same across interpersonal domains and not specific to his own children.
We will naturally have preferences for connecting with people who possess characteristics we wish to be surrounded with, but we can use the behaviors of others as a way to not only recognize our attributes, but also identify areas where we could alter our behavior for the better. By risking the humility of recognizing unfavorable characteristics within ourselves, we also grant ourselves the opportunity to gain freedom from the ties that bind us to victimization and the obstacles that block personal empowerment.
Commenti