I always found it strange, throughout my years of studying self-mastery and existential thought, that teachers would promote the idea that you somehow have to work to overcome being human in order to gain a holier and therefore, more fulfilling, human existence.
I guess it depends on how you define what it means to be human and what is needed to be altered about it in order to achieve bliss. If you, for example, categorize human characteristics as evil or sinful, as many religious teachings seem to, then you would seek to diminish or neutralize those aspects. They would be considered an obstacle to enlightenment or to becoming a being that did not carry sin/evil.
The thought of overcoming being human does not sound entirely unappealing, especially since we all experience the pain of what it means to be human. And most self-improvement platforms promoting this idea, likely carry the intent to diminish lower-level behaviors that keep us from experiencing joy. However, when you divide up anything (races, cultures, status…) into categories of good and bad with rigid, inflexible borders and thus assign rules or restrictions to each, you not only run the risk of the ill-favored side being misrepresented, but you also prompt the rebellion of the side you are seeking to control, repress, or overcome. After all, despite the label of evil, that side does exist and pretending it does not or trying to conquer it will likely lead to imbalance and damage to the whole.
This is true even of the self.
And yet, most seemingly motivational or spiritual teachings eagerly categorize the self into what is wanted-unwanted/good-bad/evil-holy…assigning ego behaviors (associated with image/identity/self) to the negative and spiritual or holy behaviors to the good. Many find favor with the "light" and demean the "dark", so to speak. There are even popular strategies provided by experts on how to "kill the ego" because it is seen as the enemy to the level of goodness we can achieve.
I find it very interesting that people would incarnate as a human yet find ways to attempt to conquer the very thing that allows one to have a human experience. The ego, which is essential to being and feeling human, is not the enemy, and you cannot "kill" it, especially when its existence is essential to sustainability in this realm. To be human means to have an ego and as with anything, attempting deliberate destruction will eventually lead to more problems that could have been avoided if a more logical path had been taken.
So, if the ego is essential to our experience, why does it seemingly go out of control or lead a person to potentially destructive behavior? Maybe because it has been labeled as evil despite the value it possesses for survival and adaptation in this world. But more likely, it is because it is not being managed and delegated tasks that it is best suited for…Much like the child that acts out, not because he is a problem that should be controlled, but because he is mislabeled, under-valued, not seen, and therefore assigned roles that are mismatched to his skill.
Unhealthy characteristics that have been associated with the ego are pride, passion, impatience, arrogance, and self-importance. And, I must admit, without the development of any of these characteristics this world would have eaten me alive. And that it did, for many years at least.
Like many, as a child, I was taught the sins of the ego and why they must be avoided. After all, if we didn't have rules and pre-defined measures of morality, we would lose our way because humans are weak, tempted by sin, and therefore need something/someone external to manage them.
Though I was naturally shy and kind, my ego-less upbringing led me to become a doormat to the manipulations of others and a punching bag for bullies looking for a place to dump their pain. But, I was behaving the right way according to the kill-the-ego crew. I was kind, good, humble…a big nobody…just like I was taught, so I wouldn't grow up with an over-inflated sense of self-importance.
When I finally embraced the power of my ego, it was only then that I also found my value…as someone who finally learned how to push back. It took me years to gain back the behaviors that were readily judged negatively and tossed aside. If I still de-valued what I was taught to in the past, I would still also be underappreciated, undervalued, and unseen…feeling confused about how being so good could lead to a life of feeling bad.
So, I am an ego advocate in the sense that when we embrace all of what we are, we are more likely to manage these "un-likable" aspects and allow them to work for us in a way that enhances the human experience. Besides, when you don't learn how to manage fiercer aspects of the self, this is when they start to scream, therefore paradoxically leading to your own destruction. Instead of destroying the ego as intended (which you can't), in denying the whole, you find that you contribute to the destruction of the entire system, all because of operating from a faulty premise and poor management...much like what happens to societies who arrogantly attempt to devour the opposition that sustains their balance.
To resolve this dilemma, we find the value and manage the balance accordingly. What is the value of the ego? With a discovered sense of self-importance, I stand up for myself. When I feel like a nobody, I am treated like a nobody. Arrogance has led me to value the time and hard work I have put into self-development and other achievements. It, along with self-importance, has saved me numerous times from being taken advantage of, unlike in my past. A sense of pride has assisted me in persevering on paths that I believe are important. One can carry pride in their achievements and still be open to growth. Passion has pushed me to pursue a dream and believe in greater potential for all domains. Impatience has helped me learn that some excuses for procrastination or delays are not okay and that sometimes patience can be detrimental to a dynamic rather than beneficial. For example, when I allowed myself to feel impatient, it was only then that I realized I was often being too flexible in relationships, both career and personal. In certain cases, my impatience was telling me there was something wrong despite my rationalization that I just needed to be kinder or more patient as I had been taught in the past.
Seeking how to improve behavior always has its benefits, but the idea that we somehow must overcome being human in order to be a better human is not a path I would support or one that is free of "human" problems. To be whole means to embrace both the dark and light, which depending on the dynamic or situation, are both needed to lead. Noticing the value of both leads us to practice conscious equilibrium where neither side lives in or responds to deprivation nor must fight to be known.
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