When we objectively reflect on past behavior, we can discover how intense emotions and heightened needs influence perceptions. However, when we are in the midst of the experience, we do not consider that we may think differently about things in the future. As time moves and we enter a different context and state of being, our honest reflections may lead us to feel differently about the choices we made while in a different developmental state. Though one can hold understanding for past behaviors when considering the influence of conditioning, if we have grown at all in self-understanding we become less likely to make decisions from a shallow mentality and more likely from the core of who we really are. If growth is occurring appropriately across one's journey, then we find our taste and preferences in things being more refined and reflective of higher standards over time. This includes everything from the company we keep, the food we eat, and the type of friends and/or romantic partners we are attracted too. As we become comfortable, self-assured, and more balanced, better choices naturally follow. However, the better choice for us may not be always led by logic as many assume mature behavior to be. Mature reasoning is more a product of integrating heart and mind/emotion and logic. Though, depending on the circumstance, emotionally-driven decisions can lead to more problems than we expect, there are times when our emotion still needs to be in charge.
Part of the process of understanding our behavioral patterns lies in detecting the emotions, or lack thereof, that dominate our decisions. For example, when we are feeling deprived of love, we may cling to whatever love is being offered without logical consideration on whether it is really what we want or what is best to allow in our world. Maybe it feels like the "one" because it is filling a void of loneliness. Since deprivation is driving the emotion, we often fail to see the red flags. The longer the time one has gone feeling deprived, the stronger desperation can become, creating more of a challenge for us to keep logic dominant when driving a decision. It can be argued that logic may never have a chance at being present in a choice that is dominated by deprivation, but we also must consider whether logic should even win out. In many cases, sound reasoning probably leads to wiser choices, but even if the momentary driving force is deprivation, sometimes throwing caution to the wind is exactly what is needed. When we consider the momentum of energy behind a bold action and how the risk may be just what is needed to unravel stagnation and bring greater clarity, what motivated the change becomes irrelevant… at least for a while until we are forced to deal with the consequences of seeking fulfillment from an external source. And that time will arrive, but maybe by then, because one took a chance on someone loving them or in the direction of something new, they will have become more independently responsible in maintaining a healthy emotional state. This is essential when making healthy decisions in any dynamic, but we cannot discount that the development began because one was led by emotion.
So, it isn't that logic is always the right motivator to lead when making up our mind. Most of us have found ourselves without an ability to find a logical reason to do what we are led to at times. And just because a decision is based in emotion doesn't mean the result will end disastrous, especially if the crazy leap leads you to feel freer or to having a better understanding of yourself. The reward for understanding the motivation behind your behavior yields a personal sense of control no matter your choices. Even if the desired outcome is not assured or not all data is available, emotions can still lead to something different or needed, even if it appears irrational. If this were never the case, many would fail to take a risk or chance changing their life. A logical life doesn't always mean a happy life, yet because it sometimes makes for a smoother road people assume it is best, no matter how stagnant things become. So, in many cases, we may need an emotional motivator to move us in taking a chance on something new.
When we have heightened self-awareness, we can detect which aspect of the self needs to take charge depending on the circumstance. Many may not understand this deliberate management of choice if the only time they've ever acted spontaneously was determined by deprivations they were unaware of. No matter how our behavior is judged by others, you can still be deliberate in spontaneity or when expressing unconventional behaviors. Deliberate behavior that is a true representation of self does not damage self-respect. When we are deliberate rather than reactionary, if there are disruptive consequences, we have already considered it before we act. In regard to past behaviors, some have been surprised at my lack of guilt or self-condemnation for engaging in situations that one is "supposed" to feel guilty about. Some claim I was influenced by others or wasn't thinking straight, and I could see how that might have been the case when I was naïve to the world. However, after my sense of self took the lead in directing behavior, I knew exactly what I was doing and did so deliberately without external influence or regret. Part of the reason is that I understand the momentum of energy behind a single act, even if it appears that nothing significant happened or led to any change I wanted. After years of hearing that the one thing I did or said changed lives for the better, I do not doubt what I am led to do even if it seems irrational to others. Being one who was extremely controlled in the past because of potential criticism, it is important to me that I honor what I think and feel, even if it appears fierce or wild. Because it is on purpose, my behavior remains true to heart. This may be the reason why I don't lose sleep over times when I was unfearingly and deliberately myself, even when the results didn't always end up in my favor.
When you honor the reasons why you choose to engage with others or a situation, you become a better manager of your system and you aren't so blindsided by the consequences of healthy and unhealthy choices. What it looks like when we are deliberate will differ among people and experiences. Even if the behavior appears unorthodox, it doesn't mean the intent behind it is. The more solid our self-awareness and understanding, we chance our choices remaining a true expression of who we are, whether it is logic or the wild child inside who momentarily takes charge.
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