I love this part of the Hometown Cha-cha-cha story because I believe the misconception she carries about hark work is common. Specifically, if you make the right choices and work hard, everything will be rewarded in the way it is meant to. This was the first time I had seen the biases involving hard work and gain stated so well in a drama. Though I think many who are mentally healthy understand the misconception that reward will always match the effort you give in a relationship, there are still many who do not understand that this occurs in other areas of life.
I was raised under a common Boomer mentality that you don't stop working until the job is done. Any that have ever worked on a farm or with product production deadlines knows that this is essential for operations to run successfully. I remember my uncle paying us 50 cents an hour to be at the cotton fields all day with a short break for lunch during harvest season, until "the job was done."
As you may imagine, I brought this same mentality into my career years later when those in my workplace needed people to step up. Though I always had a desire to do a good job at whatever I was hired to do, this instilled work ethic from a generation that was more suffrage than pleasure-seeking, eventually caught up with me. Being a work-a-holic perfectionist who was a dedicated team player caused my health to suffer enough to where I had to rethink some of my work values.
The other idea that I internalized from my family was that if you worked hard and kept your head down, all of it one day would pay off…that I would eventually reap what I sowed. If I was kind, kindness would be returned. If I gave wholeheartedly of my time and skill, I would be recognized for it. If I worked hard, my invested time and focus would be matched. You can imagine my surprise when society didn't reflect this philosophy. In group projects at school, my high standards were taken advantage of by group members wanting me on their team just so they could do as little work as possible. I was overlooked for thousand-dollar scholarships for college by community businesses in favor of others who were lower rank in my class despite being Salutatorian, holding office in more than one year, participating in various clubs, and winning athletic rewards while in my high school. Others in the community acted surprised that I was overlooked. I brushed it off then, as my excitement about college overshadowed any confusion. This curse seemed to follow me into my career, however. After putting in 80-hour weeks to meet a deadline at a job in Arizona, I was overlooked for a bonus given only to one team member per department. I was told that I was not given the bonus though I was the obvious choice because I received the highest pay incentive when raises were given. However, the reason I received the highest pay incentive was to finally match my salary to others because I was overlooked for initial raises others received when hired full time. My pay was already significantly lower than the rest of my team, so of course, my percentage would be higher. Needless to say, I moved on but was beginning to taste the bitterness of being overlooked for hard work in corporations that pushed you to trade your soul in exchange for their own gain.
I've had similar conversations mirrored in arguments with a family member about the idea that just because they made different choices than others, that is why they have succeeded and why others have failed. Their lack of awareness about variable results often surprised me. While choices may contribute to success, the relationship is confounded by other variables, meaning it wasn't the only element in the correlation that impacted the outcome. It depends on the quality of the starting platform, the exchange dynamics of those involved, personality factors, the quality of opportunities that flow your way or lack thereof, and the state of the environment. Some never get a chance to make those "choices" and if they do, there is no guarantee that their life is free from constant obstacles, snags, dismissals, and rejections. People are often set up to fail, subject to deception and manipulation by authority, or credit ripped from them by others with more power. The choice may start you out on a path, but some trains get more de-railed than others because the quality of the train, as well as the tracks, vary.
A common phrase I often hear is, "I sacrificed and worked hard for my success and that is why I have the stuff I do." You can imagine my response when I think of all the time I have put in for gain and reward to be overlooked or dismissed much more than accepted. I conducted an analysis on all the projects I attempted and failed at just to make sure I wasn't fooling myself into thinking I had a strong work ethic when I didn't. Whether it was writing my novel series while raising two kids alone and completing a master's or doing hours of research to pitch a new business idea while studying art and creating instructional videos while working full time, I have not stopped in my pursuit to improve my circumstances. I haven't had the support of a second income while I casually pursue a dream. I never randomly met a rich investor or talent scout that offered me an opportunity of a lifetime to change my impoverished circumstances. Despite my dedication and inspired action in finding ways to escape a lower monetary lifestyle, my entrepreneurial ideas never seemed to take flight.
Despite flawed attempts, through my experiences, finding intrinsic reward for just simply doing a good job has sustained my work ethic in positions that I did not find much deep satisfaction with. However, as time passed, finding purpose has become a priority for me. This also has led me to say no, more than ever before, to tasks that compromised what I wished to be a reflection of despite the promise of reward. No, I will not perform work that is deceitful or puts one at an advantage over others. No, I will not be treated less than what I feel I am worth. I know that using my skill for something important to me is what matters the most. I think of this too when considering the influences on the lives that people live and their choices. One may take a lower-paying job where they are valued after being overlooked for their contributions in the past. One may choose to live a simpler life that demands less while offering more freedom. Some, as in the drama clips shown, simply do not have the same choices as allotted to others. Regardless, a reflection of a different lifestyle does not indicate lack of efficacy or that one is lazier than others despite the biased assumptions that many who equate money to success so freely deliver.
Through times of reflection, I have learned that I allowed my investments to far exceed my gain in more than just my career domain because of the fear that if I did not, I would receive nothing at all. Indeed, this causes most of us to settle for less quality than what we desire, which to the surprise of some, has nothing to do with money. If I didn't do more, I believed I would not be seen or wouldn't be given enough to make ends meet. Yet, in my experience, my willingness to go above and beyond often led to people demanding more rather than desiring to reward my efforts with equal compensation. Now that I do not lower standards to meet any demand, I may still risk receiving nothing, but I welcome it rather than fear it. One could consider it a test in exchange of services, I suppose. But, I'd rather spend the extra time looking for what is more my match. Given that I operated the opposite way in my past--giving until there was nothing left--and was still overlooked, I feel it is in my best interest to remain true to myself and work hard for what matters. It is the same with any life. People can still do their best and not end up in a welcoming place in another's ideal world. Others do not get to decide what that path looks like for anyone else. By practicing understanding, compassion, and advancing your level of perceptions about others, we can minimize internalized biases that do nothing more than limit tolerance to diversity and in turn, eventually cripples our own path.
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