According to American Psychologist, Abraham Maslow, a large part of who we become or what we achieve is driven by the desire and fulfillment of human need. As lower level needs are fulfilled in the Hierarchy of Needs that he categorized, then our awareness is freed to pursue the fulfillment of upper level needs. For example, once our need for food and shelter (which is considered a basic need) is fulfilled, then we naturally become interested in satisfying love, esteem, or cognitive needs and so forth. His theory is easy to comprehend when you consider how challenging it would be to concern yourself with making friends or establishing a romantic relationship if you do not know where or when you will get your next meal. Maslow considered our highest needs to be self-actualization (i.e. reaching potential, focused on self-development and one's dreams…) and transcendence (i.e. searching for meaning, pursuing spiritual experiences, helping others…).
Maslow's theory is widely accepted and used in multiple domains for understanding and development in human behavior. However, in my years of working with clients, I noticed that there were some needs that could be considered destructive enough to interfere with the fulfillment of higher-level needs. I would even consider that releasing these needs is what allows us to focus on a higher level of well-being. These destructive needs are important to consider because they can keep one stuck at a certain level of development until they are addressed and healed. The needs I mention here, which are driven by fear or control (or both), could be conscious or unconscious.
Need for Approval
The need for approval may be inherent in most humans and would likely fall into Maslow's category of love and belongingness. However, a need for approval can become destructive if it is so strong that it leads one to abandon standards, integrity, well-being or authenticity. If the need causes you to neglect or betray the self, it will interfere with your quest to obtain self-respect and integrity (which would relate to esteem needs). Integrity and honor must rise above the need for approval from those who would judge us negatively when following a different path than what they desire. Otherwise, we risk delay in achieving our full self-actualization/transcendent potential.
Need for Acceptance
The need for acceptance would also influence love and belongingness needs and can be viewed as sometimes connected to the need for approval. For example, if I need you to approve of my behavior and/or accept me for who I am, then I value your opinion of me more than my own. Sometimes, our views will differ from family and friends and will often lead us down a path that leads us away from the norm. In order to achieve self-fulfillment or remain true to heart, we must forego the need for acceptance. Otherwise, development may suffer. You do not need the approval or acceptance of others (especially if surrounding levels of integrity and standards are lower), in order to be worthy.
Need for Certainty and/or Structure
The need for certainty and structure was a part of my research while in graduate school, so I first began studying the effects of this need in relation to academic achievement. However, I discovered that the potential influence of both needs goes beyond formal education.
One could claim that structure could relate to physiological needs, as in having a roof over your head. However, for the purpose of what I want to bring to light, I am relating it to a system of order. With that in mind, I would categorize both needs as relating to psychological safety needs.
The need for certainty and structure is potentially destructive to self-fulfillment in the sense that part of one's development is rarely void of having to explore the unknown. If one must be assured victory or whatever their defined sense of success is before they start out on their journey, they will not get very far given that a large part of success is beginning again after numerous failures.
The quest of actualization is riddled with illogical chances and choices that often requires us to leave the safety and comfort of structure. To get where we want to be, we must risk loss of the old ways we have outgrown as well as risk failure. Being willing to begin a new part of our journey without all the essentials or all our "ducks in a row" is also necessary to move to a higher level of development. If our fear of the unknown or the fear of uncertainty keeps us in the same place even though our heart has already left, then the road to becoming the best version of ourselves remains out of reach until these needs are acknowledged and overcome.
Need to be Right
The need to be right could be viewed as influencing both safety and esteem needs since it can be connected to the need for certainty and self-esteem/respect/competence. This need is often the partial cause of circular debates or arguments that have overstayed their welcome. Needing to be right also halts development in that it can prevent one from moving on until some level of satisfaction or gratification is achieved despite what it may cost in the long run (i.e. valuable friendships, etc).
It isn't easy to let others assume falsities or let go of persuasive arguments. However, if you've ever tried to argue with someone committed to misunderstanding then you've learned that the exhaustion of attempting to get everyone to alter their thinking or accept you is never going to gain all of what you desire in the end. Learning to walk away, letting go despite being uncomfortable, and allowing others to believe misconceptions may be difficult to do, but certainly necessary in light of keeping true to the road to well-being and actualization.
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