It seems to be a common desire to move to greater heights in life, for some more than others. When goal achievement takes hold, we naturally seek out strategies that best assist us in the fulfillment of our dreams. However, when we cannot obtain what we want in life, despite our best efforts, we naturally search for the reasons as to why our desires remain out of reach. With the positivity movement that seeks to keep our joy and motivation levels up and our blood pressure down, I noticed that there seems to be a large amount of convenient reasons to buffer disappointment just in case things do not go as planned.
"They just can't see your worth."
"You are too good for her."
"You just weren't meant to meet the one until later in life."
"Rejection means something better is coming."
While these justifications assist in decreasing the sting of failed desires, there are some excuses that can potentially damage self-worth if things do not actually change for the better after time passes. Especially when desires seem to remain just beyond our grasp no matter the effort we put into playing the manifestation game.
I was an avid believer in taking the responsibility of creating my reality for many years. I even encouraged and taught others to utilize strategies meant to assist them in making their dreams come true. I was good at altering words to a higher vibration, shifting perceptions, writing and stating affirmations, reducing toxicity—a happy participant in doing whatever it took to keep the junk out of my mind and my dreams in focus. I even created vision boards of everything I wanted and placed them in positions I was sure to see every day. However, I started questioning the methods I was engaging in when I realized that I still had not manifested anything that I really wanted no matter how happy or positive my imagination remained. No matter what I did, I maintained mediocrity in life at best.
I pondered all the reasons as to why my desires remained unfulfilled, adamantly considering all the excuses provided by other positivity-create-your-reality coaches. I guess I'm doing this wrong, I thought, despite the fact that the concepts of manifestations are fairly simple… So, I would study harder and apply more effort, forget about it for a while, and try again.
I was predominantly joyful and quickly transmuted thoughts when not, turned to my imagination when reality was displeasing, worked hard at my dreams, was grateful, took risks, and felt genuinely blessed…I even displayed the proof of my hard work— books, art, certificates, etc., just in case I ever doubted that I wasn't practicing enough.
After years passed, when things still didn't change, I began to think I was cursed. Somewhere along the way, I became overwhelmingly frustrated and battled bouts of depression as I acknowledged the stagnation and lack of upward movement that plagued my life despite my best efforts.
The risks at leaping into the new and believing in probable manifestation had taken its toll after failing to yield the results I was promised by manifestation gurus. I genuinely didn't know what else to do, so I said, "fuck it," and bailed on the whole thing. To this day, I feel like I should have stopped trying long before I did. My experience, or in this case—lack thereof, led me to analyze some of the reasons for failed strategies a little more closely.
Through my reflective research, I found several issues with the weight of responsibility given by Law of Attraction gurus and manifestation coaches when things don't go your way, as follows:
You are Blocking Receiving
This reasoning claims that people do not manifest what they want because they are personally blocking the manifestation elements through lack of belief or alignment failure. In order for this to be true, there is the assumption that your paired partner of manifestation—the Universe, God, or Source Energy (whatever your preferred name) is constant and ever-flowing in love and grace to you. Therefore, if you are not manifesting the life you desire, it is because you are the one preventing it. One possible way receiving is thwarted is by:
Lack of Belief
What they mean by lack of belief is that one either consciously or unconsciously does not believe they can gain what they are reaching for, does not believe they are worthy of what they desire, or has a hidden limiting thought that prevents the entire thing from happening. This may be true in some cases, but when you feel that your effort and belief are high, lack of belief is likely not the reason for failed accomplishment. For example, I know I have the skills for heavy work demand positions because of my work organization and ethic. However, I rarely even got an interview no matter what I did to alter my approach in work for several years. That wasn't due to lack of belief by any means. However, law of attraction advocates claim that if your beliefs are in order and are still experiencing blockage, it also could be because of:
Lack of Alignment
The lack of alignment excuse has several components to it, but the overall reasoning is founded on the idea that you have to match the high vibration of Source Energy to receive your manifestation. You can tell you are a match and in sync with your desires if you feel good. When you deviate from the high-flying vibration you are out of alignment with energy and/or your higher (spiritual) self. How you can tell that you are in proper alignment is revealed through manifestation results because you will have gained what you want. The more in alignment and the longer you maintain it, the quicker the manifestation. Now, a mismatched alignment could occur in several ways. You may be a match to higher vibration, but what you want isn't a match to you. You also may not be aligned to what you want because of a limiting belief as stated previously. And, you may be unable to understand the steps to take to get on track to what you want because of indulgence in lower-level emotions such as fear and anxiety. Too much lower vibration indulgence is said to block the voice and action of higher. To this day, I do not understand exactly how that happens if higher is more powerful, but whatever. Even if you believe with all that you are that you can get what you want, the vibrations must match and synchronize before the manifestation is unveiled.
What was interesting for my life was that in the field of relationships, attracting toxic men never seemed to end no matter how much growth I accomplished or how much I focused on what I wanted. In later years, I would leave any ill-vibing situation more quickly than before because I knew my worth and didn't want to waste time on those who did not engage with me with the respect I did them. However, after years of practicing self-awareness and appreciation followed by reflection and clarity you would think that something different would at least show up. But, no is the only answer I have been able to give without settling for less (my standards hover around basic human decency btw). After all, I was doing the work. I did hear one Law of Attraction guru claim that teachers attract all kinds, but you would think that I eventually could cease in saying "uh, yeah…no thanks" to everyone that came my way. It got to the point that I even stopped getting excited when someone showed interest in me. My immediate thought upon learning of their attraction was that they have some sort of narcissistic sociopathic issue and are needing healing. Although I enjoy inspiring others to live their best life, I am not interested in a partner that is looking for a therapist with benefits. Reciprocity would be nice.
So, even if one has cleaned out the cobwebs of destructive conditioning or transmuted unhealthy beliefs, the guru clan of greater wisdom claims that it is obvious you didn't do what you thought you did because, if so, you would see the results of the manifestation already. Now, you can imagine that if someone spent years and effort in aligning themselves to what they want and were still told that they haven't gotten it quite right, then their belief in the ability to gain the life they were told they could have would take a major dive.
After hearing all the reasons you have failed in manifestation, you are still reassured by the gurus that if you just get it 80% right, you can have the life you strive for. Frustrated yet? Don't worry there is more.
Rejection Means you are being Divinely Protected
This reasoning is just as it appears: that if you do not get what you strive for, then it is because you are being protected from a harmful situation. So, the Universe is protecting you from that toxic guy that never returned your call or the denied career promotion that you worked your ass to obtain. Perhaps in some cases, this is true...Yet, after years of experiencing this, I began to believe I was "divinely protected" from anything that possessed lasting appeal or fulfillment along with the negative. Since I manifested a lot of rejection apparently the whole Universe was not a match for me, including my own goals and interests. Mkay. Little to no manifestation can also mean that something more or other than protection is occurring even if the gurus are clueless as to what.
You Attracted the Painful Experience for Growth
The manifestation coaches will tell you that you are exactly where you need to be in life despite how unsettling you feel in regard to your current position in the world. They claim that you may not have what you want yet, but the painful or unwanted experience you are going through is making you stronger in both personality and on a soul level. It is all a part of gearing you up for what you want. I don't know about you, but after years of heartache supposedly putting me on the right path, I'm about done with getting stronger unless I'm deliberately lifting physical weights to do so.
Contrast has the ability to shape us into becoming more of who we are...in most cases. The abuse, the neglect, the subjugation…all serve as motivation to break free from oppression and unworthiness that harmful acts create within us. But, there is only value in a non-supportive and neglectful environment if it causes a determined response of freedom from bondage. Much of this response depends on finding the fire within to overcome the trauma we were exposed to. However, if the black hole of trauma consumes us and we cannot overcome the abuse, then there is no payoff to an undesirable or horrific experience. It only serves to deepen the stamp of powerlessness within us, causing authenticity to remain buried. Whether there is any benefit to a traumatic experience is unique to the individual.
Wrong Timing
Another deflection to lack of manifestation is timing. If you are aligned, but not getting what you want, then timing might be the reason, because the Universe always operates at the optimal time (I say to myself in reassurance as I analyze the wrinkles on my face in the mirror, which weren't there when I started my daily affirmations and visualizations years ago-not to mention my constant daydreaming that occurred as a child). The timing excuse was always a little unnerving to me because it contradicted their idea that you can have anything you want instantly if you just were aligned enough.
Higher Self is in Control
Since the higher (spiritual) self can see beyond what we can from our human perspective, it is better equipped to determine what we need. The higher self can see where our path falters and often creates detours to direct us accordingly to avoid crashing and burning...or to strengthen our soul. So, despite your commitment to the straight and narrow, the higher self may take you on an unwanted road trip for your own good.
This excuse bugged me because it is similar to the excuse religions provide when life is not meeting our expectations. In their justification log, they claim failed prayers are only known to God, and that His will goes beyond human comprehension. Therefore, we could never understand from our limited perspective.
So, what is the point of my physical self desiring a specific experience in life if my higher self is in control of the path? Apparently, while my lower self is working its ass off, my higher self is lost in the woods on an unmarked trail. No, that can't be true, because that sounds like something my lower self would enjoy…
These are just a few of the excuses, but what's interesting is that all of them appear logical to a degree…Maybe this experience is making me stronger, maybe it is the wrong timing. This could very well be true. It is normal for us to rationalize our experiences. However, my main issue with manifestation strategies is that lack of creation is never stated to be the fault of the "Universe." We all understand that in a relationship, it isn't just one side that is to blame for something not working. Each dynamic possesses a number of influencing factors that shape the situation. To blame lack of result on one party would be considered imbalanced and even toxic.
If it is true that you have access to Universal support or unseen powers, you will eventually find yourself on the path of your dreams no matter how much you meditate or speak positively…hopefully much sooner than in the span of 20 years. Regardless, when the system of delivery is questioned, the excuses fly too quickly for my satisfaction, especially without objectively analyzing the entire situation or the person involved. Sometimes lack of manifestation is due to learned helplessness, self-deprecation, achievement avoidance, or laziness, but sometimes it is not.
Although I am generally positive, I couldn't deny that I felt the most satisfied when I just allowed me to be me, no matter the approval of others: peers or teachers. I found that I preferred my authentic self in all my realness and imperfections more than being a version of what someone told me I had to do or be to gain the life I wanted. If the supposedly unconditional forces refuse to assist simply because I do not wish to engage in manifestation gimmicks that prevented me from being my whole self, then I would rather feel free. I don't have the energy or desire to sell out anymore, and though I have felt good as a result of releasing the burden of deliberate attraction, my life is still fairly similar to when I was attempting to hike the mountain of positivity every day.
After spending most of my life aligned to the world of dreams, I can say that I am no longer a 100% believer in the miracles and magic I expected to see in this realm. And no, my life has not gotten worse just because I don't buy into the idea that the quality of my life will diminish if I don't keep believing or maintain a ridiculous level of positivity. It hasn't. I can't deny that in light of my disappointment, some hope and desire for an unexplained positive moment of synchronistic brilliance creeps in now and then.
There is nothing wrong with having faith that things will work out in life. However, if your user guide to manifesting the life you want is causing you just as much grief or frustration as living a life absent of goal attainment, it is likely time to move on to a more suitable strategy for creating the life you desire...or better yet, just be the expression of who you wholly are and celebrate that manifestation instead.
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