As a continuation of my previous article on Faulty Belief Systems, I thought I would expand on some ideas that may assist in alleviating disappointment when new practices don't live up to their claims. If you are going to cope with any type of failure in life, it is important to have a new plan so that self-efficacy and worth doesn't crash alongside diminished promises.
One common thing I have observed throughout my experiences is that people do not really give value to their ability to assess situations independently and then decide what is right or wrong for them. This could be due to lack of efficacy, knowledge, or fear of being wrong, but regardless of the reason, if we want to lessen our proneness to manipulation it is important to develop critical thinking skills outside of group-think or authoritative influences.
The following is a list of ways that can assist in developing an awareness for when beliefs/theories may be shady as well as how to recover from the negative impact of failed promises.
Acknowledge Vulnerability
Whether or not we are in a state of despair, there seems to be a common desire to want to better our experience, especially if what we are living is not up to our preference. So, though it is natural to seek solution or something better, it is also important that one enhances their level of self-awareness, including acknowledging the parts of being human that are judged as weak, such as our vulnerability.
When we are in a state of disappointment or desire change, we are highly susceptible to suggestions that soothe our emotions, especially to actions that promise pain reduction. When seeking out new paths for growth, just acknowledging that we are more readily influenced because we are in a state of need, helps to buffer the victim mentality of blindly believing everything we are told. For example, you can be aware, while clinging to the words of a new guru, that your critical thinking skills may be napping because you are going through a divorce or experiencing some other type of loss.
Becoming aware of your level of vulnerability will serve you in detecting manipulation. Is my heart hurting? How deep is my state of need as I hear this new perspective? Asking yourself similar questions can help you understand where you are at on the scale of being taken advantage of.
In the Netflix series, Sherlock, Holmes credits Moriarty's genius after Moriarty convinces the public that Sherlock is a fraud.
"Everybody wants to believe it, that’s what makes it so clever. A lie that’s preferable to the truth. My deductions were a sham. No one feels inadequate. Sherlock’s an ordinary man. He’s [Moriarty] got my whole life story. That’s what you do when you sell a big lie. You wrap it up in the truth to make it more palatable." ~Sherlock
What Sherlock states about the tactic of manipulation that Moriarty used to fool everyone is a common deception strategy used by fraudulent parties. You take a partial truth and wrap it in a lie that feeds emotional satisfaction to the hungry.
It is okay to be vulnerable. It is a very natural and even endearing human quality. By acknowledging that we are prone to deception we can keep the dust off the critical thinking cap and strive to be more objective when considering new strategies that come our way in spite of emotional longing.
Study Manipulative Tactics used to Persuade
Studying methods used in manipulation and deception will help you establish skills in detecting when you are being played. It is well-known in the world of sales and persuasive communication that if you make someone feel good, you can almost sell them anything. This is why the marketing world is flooded with commercials designed to pull at your heartstrings and why salespersons are trained to assess your needs. You give me the money, and I will give you the answer to your needs.
Manipulative tactics also apply when someone is also trying to sell a story or theory about why your life is hell. The best way to get someone to listen and internalize what is being said is to create an emotional bond of trust and present that you have the answers they need to make their life better. This is why, despite the fact that many self-proclaimed gurus have fallen or exposed their dark side, they still have believers devoted to their message. It is more preferable to believe that an elevated guru could never be capable of scandal than to admit that our vulnerability possibly led to us to careless judgment.
There is an enormous amount of cognitive research that supports the claim that humans are not made to be rational. Our clarity of assessing personal situations often reduces after forming emotional bonds. Love is indeed blind, after all. Much of the time, we simply see and believe what we want to. Although it can be difficult to be critical about something that soothes us and makes life more tolerable, it is important that we practice keeping our emotional fulfillment in check when evaluating the words of others.
If the following results fail to uphold as true in your manifestation quest, then manipulation is likely at play in the words of those guiding you:
Lack of Results or Intermittent Reward
If you are applying the strategies and techniques that are suggested by your teacher consistently and not seeing results, then caution is advised. Now, there is room here for misunderstanding methods in that there are components to strategies that may be overlooked. For example, if I am just saying daily affirmations or going through the motions of another alignment method, but not attempting to alter my emotional response or my perception to one that is healthier, then I may be missing some key points within the exercise. However, if I am utilizing suggested methods to the best of my ability, I should still be seeing a movement in the direction of what is assured. If, after several years, the overall results of my experience are the same, then there is something wrong with the strategy I am engaged in.
If you also are promised huge changes in your experience and only gain random successes that appear irrelevant to your overall goal, something is likely out of whack. For example, say you have been working on a dream for the past ten years that never seems to take fruition, but get a two-dollar raise at your job. One could claim that is a manifestation win, and while it may better your experience, it doesn't have anything to do with what is the focus of your heart. But, hey, those months of filling notebooks describing the quality of life you want and practicing matching behaviors is finally leading somewhere, right?
One of the reasons psychologists claim that gambling is so addictive is because of intermittent reinforcement. An unpredictable win increases the chances that we will keep repeating the same behaviors, especially when the wins arrives at random times. However, if you are practicing lasting behavioral change to increase the chances of Universal assistance, then there should be consistency in delivery or at least delivery that matches the output of your hard work. Acknowledging the truth of whether the results match the action is essential in the process of avoiding manipulation.
Failure to Share Responsibility
In a dynamic, responsibility for successes and failures should be shared. In the case of manifestation, teachers claim that your part is to be in alignment with the energy of creation or a higher source. Then, the higher-vibing energy will do its part in leading you to what it is you wish to experience. However, if you are the only one responsible for everything going wrong and the other party takes no responsibility then there is something off with the message being presented.
Acknowledge Correlation Biases
Humans, in the desire to find reasons for why things occur, have a tendency to pair concepts in a search for answers as to why something has happened. If you didn't do this, then I wouldn't have done that, etc. While the trail of cause and effect is easier to follow in some cases, people create cause and effect connections even when the events are likely unrelated. This is what superstition is.
I won the game because I wore my lucky socks. My wish came true because I prayed about it. I am a good person, therefore I will be wealthy.
The paired events have little proof of being related and yet, we form cause and effect correlations all the time to help us make sense of our world. Spiritual teachers have a vast field in which they can do this. It is easiest to do the vaguer the domain is...where the relationship between the concepts cannot really be proven, only inferred. And, vulnerable subjects looking for salvation from hardships in life cling readily to every subjective correlation.
"You are an old soul, so therefore you are meant to have fun in this life." Or put whatever you wish after "therefore"… I have heard it differently depending on the teacher.
"You are an old soul, therefore you are here to help others."
"Stronger souls experience more pain."
"If you are angry, you will not hear the voice of God."
"If you drink soda or alcohol, your vessel is too muddy to make sense of higher guidance messages."
"I am an ordained guru, therefore my words come from Source and not my ego."
"If you aren't living the life you want, you are not aligned."
You know you are breaking free from the influence of blind devotion when follow-up questions about the vagueness of claims plague your mind. What if I am angry on Tuesday, but not the rest of the week? Did I mess up my alignment streak? What if I wrote pages and pages about the quality I wanted in the love of my life but stopped during the month of January because my hand got tired? Does that mean he isn't coming now? How much alignment is enough? I was aligned most of every day from January to March, but nothing happened differently in my life. Do strong souls ever get a break from heartache? Is my failure at not getting my dream job because of that one week I was out of alignment last September? This about sums up the feeling...
If someone else's correlation or reasoning for you not gaining what you want is not adding up in your world, it is okay to try something new or attempt to make correlations that are slightly more rational even when they deviate from what someone else wants you to believe.
Independently Take Control
Taking control of your personal path is key is representing your authenticity. Your chosen belief system should be helping you to express authenticity and sustain joy. When it fails to deliver this, has stopped doing, or is promising absolutes, the dissonance that results means something needs to change. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are the one that is wrong or failing like many teachers would have you believe. Although the suggestions below are not exclusive, I narrowed down some tips to assist in taking better control of your existential journey. Make it your own so that it works for you.
Let Go of Blind Devotion
Gurus, pastors, motivational speakers…regardless of how "blessed" they are by the God(s) and/or mass society, are still human. Yes, even those that claim to be reincarnated Gods. No one is above the faults that come with being human. This means they are prone to misinterpretation, subjectivity, emotional neglect, arrogance, pain, etc., just like the rest of us. And with that, they could be aware or unaware of personal cognitive and emotional biases. Just identifying the repeated patterns in speech and writing can tell you more about a person's passion or focus and where their pain points lie. For example, if you have read more than one of my articles you can see alot of what I do and don't like as well as commonalities in my experiences without even meeting me. Of course, this is challenging if people are not being authentic, but clues of underlying truth are always present. In the same sense, going to biblical school and memorizing scripture doesn't mean you are free of your own shadow.
There is nothing wrong with learning from the views of others. Individuals that enhance understanding or provide strategies to better our journey still have value. Anyone, for that matter, who has helped us become more of who we are, has been an important element in our existence even if they only teach us how we don't want to be.
However, blind devotion and failing to recognize one's humanity can lead to devastation. At my former place of work, there was a customer who came in devastated that well-known author and teacher, Doreen Virtue had abandoned all New Age practices and converted to a Christian belief system. Basically, the customer felt dismissed by their own guru and was so heartbroken she was contemplating suicide. By studying under Doreen, she felt like she had discovered where she belonged, which increased her joy and self-esteem. Now, her guru was switching teams. Not only that, Doreen renounced all of her old teachings, claiming that the Devil made her do it. This, understandably, creates a cataclysm of confusion for all those following the former Angel Lady.
If your guru has renounced everything that has led you to feel freer and more like yourself, do you still follow? Does that mean you are wrong? Do you throw yourself off a cliff, because who you loved is no longer what you thought? Of course not. The only thing a devoted follower is guilty of is failing to see one's humanity because of the pedestal they placed the guru on.
All belief systems are founded in subjective interpretation and often twisted to suit the intention of those in charge of message delivery. Whatever we believe is simply a choice of what makes the most sense to us. Where one belief system grants one freedom, it creates bondage for another. That is why we individually must decide what is best for our lives rather than wasting time arguing about which belief is absolute. None are. Just as a leader has the right to change their mind in what they think is best for their life, you also can change your mind about your devotion to the leader and use the situation as an opportunity to take the reins of your own life.
Keep the Best and Leave the Rest
Taking the reins of your own existence involves using the best strategies and leaving the rest. This means adopt what is working in your life and discard what does not. I don't always understand why people aren't more comfortable in abandoning absolutism. I realize self-identity is tied to belief for many so it can be challenging to alter it. Depending on how dogmatic your system is, one can certainly experience fear if they abandon devotion to an all-or-nothing cause. But, there are alternatives. Respect for all and balance can be had by choosing to honor the good in each.
Understanding that you are simply participating in a path you can continue or deviate from means that you are embracing the complexity of being human. With this, one can realize that they are in charge of the tools used along the journey. You can choose to utilize what works for you from one belief system AND another. One can determine that most of the Buddhist teachings may fit them, but maybe not all. Perhaps some New Age strategies worked best for you, but not everything will fit. Although I had a strict religious upbringing, it wasn't until I studied under alternative thought teachers that I learned how to allow people to disappoint me and still love them, and that I was not responsible for everyone's happiness. To this day, I do not limit myself by attaching to any belief system, but strive to recognize the value in all improvement strategies that catch my interest.
There is a reason that there are so many different views and beliefs to choose from. The level of diversity in the world would never be fulfilled with just one way of believing. Part of fully participating in the evolution of life is recognizing when it is time to change our minds. So, if the theory of investment and all of its trimmings fails to yield what it is supposed to, reserve the right to do something different. A new thought process may point you in a better direction, but what works for a while may need to be altered more as you alter yourself. When practices become stale, see it as outgrowing the theory rather than something being wrong within you. It still may work for others, but do not hesitate to honor your own growth when the old ways wear out their welcome.
#independent #freethink #breakfree #self-awareness #self-honor #newagefraud
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